😅 Things I Pretend to Understand (But Absolutely Don’t)

Every now and then, I like to remind myself that confidence is 50% competence and 50% acting like you know what’s going on. So in the spirit of honesty — and maybe a little therapy — here’s a list of things I absolutely pretend to understand but definitely do not.

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🤯 1. How people function without coffee. I’ve met them. They exist. They wake up, breathe air, and just… start doing things. No ritual. No caffeine. No warm-up lap. I don’t understand it. I fear it.

📶 2. Why Wi‑Fi works everywhere except where I’m sitting. Move two inches to the left? Full bars. Sit down at my desk? The internet becomes a rumor.

🌀 3. The correct way to fold a fitted sheet. I’ve watched tutorials. I’ve tried the “tuck and roll” method. I’ve tried the “embrace the chaos” method. Every attempt ends with a fabric blob that looks like a defeated jellyfish.

🤝 4. How people remember everyone’s names at parties. I hear your name once and immediately forget it like it’s a Snapchat message.

🖨️ 5. Why printers still exist. We have AI, electric cars, and rockets that land themselves… but printers? Still possessed by demons.

🗣️ 6. The appeal of meetings that could’ve been an email. I show up. I smile. I contribute. I still don’t understand why we’re all here.

🌿 7. How anyone keeps plants alive. I water them. I talk to them. I give them sunlight. They die anyway. It’s like they’re trying to teach me humility.

🫒 8. The correct amount of olive oil. Every recipe says “a drizzle.” My drizzle is apparently a flood.

🐕 9. Why my dog barks at absolutely nothing. Is he seeing ghosts? Is he warning me about the air? I pretend to understand. I do not.

⚛️ 10. The entire concept of quantum anything. Particles doing two things at once? Existing and not existing? I’m out.

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Here’s the truth: We’re all faking something. We’re all nodding along to things we don’t fully grasp. And honestly? It makes life fun.

So here’s to the mysteries, the confusions, the “I’ll Google it later” moments, and the things we pretend to understand just enough to get by.

If you’ve got one, drop it. I promise I won’t understand it either.