What makes a good neighbor?

The band 38 Special had a big hit single (#3 in 1981) with a song called “Hold on Loosely”. The tune gives advice from one friend to another about maintaining longevity in a relationship, inspired by lead singer/songwriter Don Barnes’ marital difficulties at the time. The idea of holding on loosely but not letting go applies to so many things in life, including relationships between neighbors.

The hardest part of owning your own home is not being able to control who lives next door or across the street. We had a neighbor at one time whose house we see from our main picture window in our living room. For years the original owners had maintained a beauty and pride in the property until they chose to move north and sold it to a young couple and their children.

How do I quickly list what occurred during their period of ownership? Here goes: They moved about 10 or so bushes from around the property to the easement area between the sidewalk and the street, just so they would continue to grow as they worked to relocate the landscaping. Having recently sold the property to new owners after 4 or 5 years, those damn bushes are still in between the sidewalk and the road…just bigger! Shortly before moving, they decided to work to incorporate more of their German heritage into the exterior of the home with accent paint. Instead of a tasteful shade of green, they painted parts of their brown house with bright, nearly neon green paint.

Although they were very nice people as neighbors, they tended to be super assertive and excited for projects that they either didn’t consult a professional on or just simply didn’t finish.

We also have the various stereotypical neighbors: the one who knows what’s going on with everyone on the street; the one who wants to know everything that’s going on; the one you’ve lived by for 20 years but couldn’t accurately identify from a police lineup; and the ones that you just click with naturally.

In all fairness, I should point out my own weaknesses as a neighbor. We have a dog (as you probably know) that loves to make the neighborhood aware of ANY noise or possible security breach (by the Amazon guy or gal, mysterious shadows, or even a squirrel) in the neighborhood; every spring, the three flowering crab trees in our front yard literally obliterate my next-door neighbor’s driveway and yard and yet they don’t complain; lastly, we tend to be loners usually, so some might think we’re standoffish.

So, what is it exactly that makes a good neighbor. Here are the characteristics I appreciate most in a good neighbor:

THEY’RE FRIENDLY

When you’re new to the neighborhood, people on your street welcome you, are approachable and get to know you a bit without being overly intrusive.

THEY’RE RESPECTFUL

Once you know your neighbors and their background and/or culture, being a good neighbor includes respecting their way of life not detracting from it. We once had a neighbor who thought it was acceptable to have her driveway cleared after a snowstorm at one o’clock…in the morning! We try to be respectful of our next-door neighbor’s toddler sleeping only 20-30 feet away from our deck when we let our Corgi out in the morning. Who needs their baby roused out of a good night’s sleep at 7am? Common courtesy is all it takes.

THEY’RE ORDERLY

Who wants to live next to a junkyard? I have a close family member who lives next door to a family who has junk strewn all over their backyard, including a broken-down camper with strings of Christmas lights hanging between the camper and trees. If garbage falls out and blows into your yard, they assume it’s not their own problem. This one kind of goes with respect, but trash has it’s place and it’s not in your backyard or your neighbor’s.

THEY’RE HELPFUL

You know that great neighbor that when you need a certain size socket wrench or your ladder won’t quite reach, they’re the ones you can drop in on and they’ll gladly lend a hand (or a ladder)? That’s an important part of being a good neighbor. The other side of that equation is making sure you’re respectful with other’s property and return it to them when you’re finished with it.

THEY’RE NOT NOSY OR OBLIVIOUS

Some folks are simply just like Gladys Kravitz from the 60’s sitcom “Bewitched”, peeking out their window simply because they have nothing better to do. I’m sure you have one on your own street. The converse is people who are oblivious to what’s going on in their neighborhood. If it’s not happening to them, it’s not happening at all.

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So, those are the obvious things that occur to me when contemplating the characteristics of having and/or being a good neighbor. Hold on loosely…but don’t let go. What am I missing? Share it in the comments.