Being a dad, it was hard to imagine life without my little girl’s impact in life from day to day. Although she’s grown now, married and has a child of her own, I still reflect often and miss that amazing and oh-so-blessed phase of my life.

Mama whispered softly
“Time will ease your pain.
Life’s about changin’
Nothin’ ever stays the same.”

Patty Loveless, How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?

These days, crimes are committed by individuals that we later learn grew up without the benefit of a father (or a father who made no time for the child). To those fathers (particularly if they knew of the child’s existence), I only wish you could experience a reverse version of “It’s a Wonderful Life” and see what your life would have been like had you been a part of your child’s life.

From the first time I became a father until the autumn she headed off to college and a life of her own, she literally made our lives one of magic and wonder. Simply driving home from the hospital after her birth, both my wife and I looked at each other and I said, “they are actually letting us take this person home with us.” What a beautiful start to an amazing adventure!

Countless times I’ve thought to myself how my daughter couldn’t get more amazing and then, as she grew older, she did just that – time and time again. Whether she danced with me at the Val-Air Ballroom to “Butterfly Kisses” at 3, became a pseudo poster child for our school district’s “Character Counts” program (rubbing elbows with multiple state Governors in the process) as a 7-year-old, transformed herself into our travel agent when we went to Washington DC at 10 years old (you can only imagine our itinerary), or converted her love of art and biology into a $20,000 scholarship-winning essay during her junior year of high school – this girl consistently surpassed every milestone I can imagine hoping for as a dad.

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So, once she returned from college, it was a bit of a shock to the system. The kid we always felt knew us and loved us simply because we were her parents suddenly seemed a world away. Her pursuit of independence left me at times trying to figure out just who this young woman actually was and wondering if my time as her father was reaching its expiration date.

The odd thing for me is that with my own father having passed away when I was 17 years old, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t give to have just one more day with him. The change in my own child left me contemplating many things. What had I done wrong to feel so out of sync with someone I’d cherished for the more than two decades (although in my heart I knew my wife and I both were excellent parents). Had I simply lost my “cool” factor as a dad? Can you ever get “cool” back? Is it a case of home simply not being home anymore?

In retrospect, I believe she was herself just working to move from the childhood phase into the young adulthood phase and didn’t realize the impact that growth would have on someone left dealing with the resulting void in their own life. Change is always a hard goodbye.

Of course, my reaction isn’t something she’s responsible for, it just is what it is…or was.

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Fortunately, that void (empty nest or whatever you may call it) was filled nicely by a 10-week-old Corgi pup we named Scamp, whose unending love and boundless energy rejuvenated me in a way I had never anticipated. Thankfully, I doubt he will ever be going to college.

Several years later, my “cool” factor as a (grand)dad returned when our grandson was born in the midst of the pandemic. It was almost like the phases of life run in a circle of infinity, and my phase had come back around to that day in the summer of 1991 when I couldn’t believe the folks running our hospital downtown would just let us take this little person outside and home with us.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN

What phase in your own life have you had difficulty maneuvering through? How did you navigate it and how did it end? Share your experience with our readers by taking a moment to leave a comment.